A COURSE IN MIRACLES
5. Miracles are habits, and should be involuntary. They should not be under conscious control. Consciously selected miracles can be misguided.
As soon as I finished reading these three sentences, I realized exactly why I am writing about this book - because I have no idea what this means. I am going to look back at this one day and have some kind of understanding about what the authors are trying to teach us here.
As of this minute, I am only guessing. The first thing to come to my mind is that it is about trying to control your life or thinking you have any control of your life.
I know I thought that. I had it all figured out. My one uncle still reminds me today about how I told him when I was 16 that my life was all planned out. Good thing God wasn't listening.
Life had other plans for me. It wasn't just when I was 16 though. I thought I had it under control at 26, 36 and even 46. Actually, it took until I was 46 to figure out I have absolutely no control over my life. But, I'm not saying that there still aren't moments when I think that. The difference is they are only moments until I snap myself back to reality.
Back in May, I went to Florida to visit my mom and brother. Four of my children went with me, including both of my daughters. One night, my mom decides she wants to show us all of her jewelry and explain where she got each piece and who she wanted to give it to when she died.
I was so annoyed. I wouldn't even go into her room and entertain her stunt that I thought she was pulling. She was only 63 and perfectly healthy. I thought the discussion should be held in a few years but definitely not when she wanted to do it.
When she got sick, it happened so fast, there was really never a good time to talk about her jewelry. She was not like Elizabeth Taylor or anything, but she had a lot of old stuff from her mom and grandmother and now that she is gone, I look at it and I have no idea whose jewelry was whose.
We never got to have the conversation. I not only had my life figured out, but I was also planning hers. Now, I look back at that night and realize there is a slight chance she knew it was going to be her last time with me and her granddaughters.
I wanted to plan the miracle and its timing and it was right there in front of me.