I didn't write for the last two days because I've really been trying to process something about myself that I wish I didn't have to. There seemed to be pain that has cropped up which I couldn't quite explain away. For most of you who know me, you know the childhood trauma I experienced from the age of 2 to 18. For those of you who don't, I'm not going to detail it here, but just know it was a severe form of sexual and mental abuse from my father.
I've been watching a lot of Teal Swan videos on Youtube because she experienced a lot of what I did. Until recently, I had myself pretty convinced I've experienced all of the normal ptsd from the abuse. And, I thought I was completely healed.
That is, until recently. I've been noticing a kind of emptiness I haven't been able to kick. And, what I think I've discovered is that I have a form of co-dependency. I don't understand it all, but I think the more I can heal, the less I will torture those who love me.
Other than obsessing over Youtube to try and heal myself (I've had my fill of therapists), I'm still reading "When Breath Becomes Air" and into the third season of "Scandal."
Here's a promo for Season 3, Episode 8:
Here is a clip about Paul Kalanithi - "When Breath Becomes Air."